The Crunch

A few days ago I was making my daughter a sandwich for school. It was very early in the morning so I still felt a bit bleary headed. I asked her what she wanted in the sandwich.

“Cream cheese and cucumber?”

“Yes that’s fine” she answers “no no uum I won’t have cucumber”

I find this puzzling since cream cheese and cucumber has always been a winner.

“Why don’t you want cucumber?”

“Because when you’re at school and it’s time to eat the juffie turns this thingy round and it plays a tune on the music box and then you all have to be quiet.”

(Juffie is the generic term for female teacher)

Listening to this I suddenly feel a lot more awake and attentive.

“Ooh” I say  “so you mean cucumber is too crunchy and it makes a noise?!”


“I’m sure the juffie doesn’t mind if you crunch a little bit when you’re eating”

“Yeah, but I just don’t want to anyway” she says

I am thinking to myself that this is ridiculous. How did I ever produce such a law-abiding goody-two-shoes? How could a bit of cucumber ever be rebellious?

I make a vow to myself to try to encourage a bit more wild disobedience.

I did recently fail to read the note pinned up on the classroom door so I baked jam tarts for a school trip instead of pancakes as all the other mums had done. I was the only one that did something different but this was more an act of disorganisation than of rebellion. A jam tart is not really a symbol of living life on the edge so I needed a new plan.

I bumped into a friend and her two kids at the farm and while our brood were stepping on the goat poo and stroking the rabbits we managed to have a short conversation about our music tastes. This was a good start, just to talk about something other than the kids. It turned out that she was a reggae DJ and I am a big reggae fan. Talking to her was bringing back memories of wilder days at festivals, being young, dancing all night. She was going to be Dj-ing at the weekend.

Here was the perfect opportunity to liven up an old passion with a few “Irie vibrations.”

So I turn up very keenly at 8pm on the dot. Maybe a bit too keen, the place hasn’t even opened it’s door yet! My friend is the first to play at a whole evening of reggae. I have really built this ‘going out’ thing in my head since it happens so seldom. Things start off very slowly and the place is empty for the first hour apart from us two mums and then a few friends of the DJ start to arrive, one of whom is heavily pregnant. We swap birthing stories and talk about pregnancy yoga. Wait! This is not the wild evening I had planned. Then my friend, the DJ needs to go to the loo and quickly shows me what to do in her absence. I’m standing in the DJ hotspot and I’m switching the faders! My heart beats a bit faster and I feel like I’m very cool…I look up from my brief moment of triumph and remember that I’m playing to an empty dancefloor!

By the time the second band of the night plays and it’s really filling up with the proper late night party crowd, ie. the young people I start nervously looking at the time and I sensibly head back home. I have to retrieve my coat from the backstage area though and typically enough the band members are in there taking a breather – smoking up a cloud of marijuana. The smell from outside is enough to almost knock me off my feet and I’m getting a bit nervy about the idea of going in, but I just hold my breath and make a dash for it. OK so my really reckless days are in the past, but I did get close to the ‘rebel music’, at least I danced to some tunes about the ‘uprising’.  And I had four beers! And was home at midnight!

My rebellion might be on the back burner, but I hope my daughter’s is still to come. On Monday I’m planning on slipping carrot sticks into her lunch box.


13 Comments on “The Crunch”

  1. Mammasaurus says:

    Cucumber too crunchy – stuff and nonsense – send her with Carrot sticks next time 😉

    I too dream of rebellious nights out but usually have 2 glasses of wine, get tired and end up talking about the everyday life that I wanted to momentarily forget about!

    I worry that the most rebellious thing I do in 2012 may be switching milk chocolate to dark chocolate!

  2. romanianmuminlondon says:

    Loved your post!

  3. Cat (Yellow Days) says:

    It may not have quite lived up to your younger days but that evening was a hell of a lot wilder than anything I’ve done in quite a while. Go you!

  4. 1978rebecca says:

    Ha ha! Excellent. I’ve never been much of a rebel I’m afraid but love watching other people who are.

  5. keynko says:

    I was convinced to go out with some much younger friends, I sat in a corner holding their handbags whilst they looned about and then drove them home safely! My night out and I still ended up as mum! However awesomely proud that my daughter wants to dye her hair pink with summer once school is over!

  6. Fab – I’ve rebelled by buying my children different colour bookbags – whilst obviously retaining the exact dimensions required… oh, and I had 2 bottles of cider on holiday in one evening!

  7. Louise Lloyd says:

    Just found you through the Love New Blogs and I love this post, I kept reading wanting more and smiling! Love to be a little bit different!

  8. Ellen says:

    Hi there and thanks for all the great comments.

    We may not be all that wild and crazy right now, but let’s keep up the small acts of domestic rebellion! The revolution might be just around the corner.

  9. Lol, I wonder if anyone’s ever tried celery – and I suppose crisps is out of the question??

  10. kate says:

    LOVE the idea of jam tarts as a sign of rock and roll style rebellion!

  11. Just read this post from the Brit mums newby round up – loved it! I get the whole – well I like it at home but not at school because [[insert various spurious reason related to peer pressure/school rule etc]] thing

  12. Suzanne says:

    Woohoo go you rebel! Wow, that sounds a little ‘stiff’ … crunching?!

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